And All the Days After
by spirithorse
Summary: Nunnally comes to terms with what happened during Zero Requiem.


**Warnings:** Spoilers for the R2-25

**Author's Note:** This was written for a flashfiction challenge with the prompt of firsts, and this was literally the first thing I thought of.

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><p><strong><span>And All the Days After<span>**

Nunnally woke up with a sob, her eyes squeezed shut and her right hand reaching out towards the side of her bed, the left still stuck under the pillow. She groped at the air, trying to find the hand that should have been there. It had to be there, he couldn't have _not_ heard her.

Nunnally swallowed, trying to force back another sob as she shifted, pushing the covers away from her as she tried to prop herself up. Where was he?

She knew how it was supposed to happen.

She would wake up in the middle of the night from a dream, fragments of sound and smell that frightened her and combined in her mind to create something that scared her. She would try to sit up, reaching for something to defend herself with only to encounter a warm hand. Frightened, she would clutch it to her and wait for the familiar words.

_"It's alright, Nunnally. I'm here."_

"Lelouch?" She could remember exactly how he said those words, her hand stopping its frantic search for his hand for a moment before she shivered, stretching her arm just a bit further out. "Lelouch, it was horrible. There was blood, and…"

_"I'm not going to let anything hurt you."_

"Lelouch, there was blood and-" Nunnally gasped as she reached too far, slipping from the mattress. She reached out to stop her fall, opening her eyes and staring at the floor as she realized how close a call it had been. It only took a moment for her to realize that she was staring at the floor, actually able to see it.

Nunnally worked her fingers into the plush carpet, feeling her arms start to shake. This wasn't her room at Ashford, the carpet felt wrong. She looked up from the floor, quickly hauling herself back into bed as she looked around the room. This couldn't be her room at Ashford, everything was arranged differently. And it wasn't the set of rooms that Lelouch had kept her in after he had taken the Damocles.

She turned, looking at the other side of her bed, hoping that Lelouch would be there to explain what was going on. Instead she just saw a bowl of water with a dirtied cloth hanging over the side. Nunnally cautiously dragged herself to the other side of the bed, reaching out to lift the cloth up from the bowl, staring at the red stains on the white cloth.

It was blood, but she wasn't hurt.

Nunnally dropped the cloth on the bed, searching for her wheelchair.

Lelouch. She had to see if her brother was alright.

She was pushing the covers back from her legs, pulling them into position to maneuver herself into the wheelchair when she remembered, the events of the day before finally managing to get past her fear.

Lelouch wouldn't be coming to see her. She wouldn't be able to find Lelouch. He was dead, run through by Zero.

Nunnally fell sideways, clutching both hands to her heart as she continued to stare out into her dark room, trying to comprehend what that meant.

She frantically tried to construct a life without Lelouch. She had lived without him in her life for a year, but that was very different. Now she knew that he wasn't _here_ anymore. There would be no chance of a reunion, no chance to go back to the way that they had been before. The time when she had been happy…

Nunnally turned, reaching for the cloth and pulling it close to her, trying to curl around it. It was the only thing of her brother that she had left and, as horrible and gruesome of a memento it was, she didn't want to let it go.

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><p>"Don't take that." The maid paused in the middle of reaching for the bloodstained cloth, staring at Nunnally in confusion.<p>

"My lady?"

"Leave it please." Nunnally tried to give the maid a reassuring smile.

"It needs to be washed."

"I know. But, please, just leave it for a while longer." Nunnally reached out to take the cloth from the maid, holding it close to her. "I just need it to remember."

The maid gave her an odd look, Nunnally turning her face away. After a moment of hesitation, the maid bowed and walked out of the room, leaving Nunnally to sit in her wheelchair and clutch the bloodstained cloth closer.

She needed the reminder, the tangible evidence, for when she woke up in the middle of the night, scared and lost, so she wouldn't go searching for a person that no longer existed.

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><p><em>Please read and review. Constructive criticism is welcome.<em>


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